Finding that rare person

A lot of people end up in bad relationships for some of the following reasons…

  • They are scared to be alone.
  • They try to hard.
  • They are scared to try something different.
  • They are getting out of a bad situation.
  • They don’t feel like they are good enough.
  • They think they deserve better things.
  • They are stuck in a groove.
  • They think they can’t survive on their own.

There are a lot of other reasons but this gives you an idea. I HAD been married for almost 14 years. I was absolutely miserable by the time we divorced. I had gotten married young to get out of a bad situation and I didn’t feel like I was good enough. I jumped into a the first relationship I had and stayed because I didn’t know what else to do.

I can now look back and see all the red flags that I ignored. First was I got married at the age of 16 to the first guy that showed me interest. He was an extreme narcissistic and because of that I allowed myself to beaten down. Not physical but mentally -which is just as bad if not worse in some cases. I was constantly put down and criticized for every little thing I did. I got to where I become a shell of a person. He made me feel like I was going crazy and loosing my mind.

I finally started really contemplating my life. I had to get down and dirty and REAL with myself. Why was a woman like me (I consider myself strong) allowing this to go on? I don’t believe in staying in a relationship for the kids sake. If you believe this then we need to have a talk! The more I realized how much I had been held back and removed from what life should have been like the more my eyes opened. Of course I am a very stubborn person and don’t like to give up and I didn’t want to be part of a statistic either. One was because I got married at age of 16 and the other was because he was in law enforcement so those marriages rarely last. I know stupid right! Like I said – it was a battle of my mind.

I finally left when my youngest was 3 months old. I was wore out and tired of fighting. I stayed with friends for a while and then I was stupid enough to go back to him. Of course all his promises didn’t last long. I then moved out a couple months later and got a place of my own with 2 kids. We were supposed to be working things out. What I didn’t know was he loved me being gone. It made it easier on him to see his girlfriend. Yep! Looking back now I am almost positive he cheated most of our marriage. Of course anytime I had brought things up in the past he made me out to be a jealous wife. I finally busted him out a few months later on Christmas Day. That was the it for me! I was done!

I filed for divorce and got full custody of both girls. He fought it all the way! He told me and honestly believed I would crawl back to him. I didn’t which infuriated him. Anyway – a lot happened and I won’t get into it all but because of all this I struggled some with finding who I actually was. I mean I never lived on my own, never did just what I wanted to do, and always worried about my actions. It was so bad I wouldn’t even laugh out loud because he always made fun of my laugh.

I hit rock bottom and had to claw myself out. I did some major soul searching and figure out who I really was. It wasn’t long after this that by fate I met my husband of now. I wasn’t looking for another husband and he had sworn he would never get married. We soon discovered that we challenged each other – not in a bad way but in a great way! He challenged my views and thoughts. I had to dig deep inside myself and discovered who I really was. He quickly became my best friend. We talked about anything and everything, it didn’t matter how embarrassing or shameful it was – we opened up and didn’t hold anything back. He made me feel alive and like I could take on the world. He didn’t want me to hold back he constantly encouraged me to be better and do more.

We have now been together for 8 years and I can’t imagine life without him. He has become my best friend, soul mate, my rock, and my biggest supporter. My girls now have a real daddy that not only loves them but encourages them and supports them.  I even went on to get my Bachelor Degree. I can now look back and see that he has helped me to be the person that I really am. I can laugh, act crazy, be goofy and say what’s on my mind without fear of criticism. It is truly amazing how confident I now feel and I know whatever I decide to do that I have support. We have been through the trials and tribulations of life and we handle it side by side.

My point in all of this is that if I hadn’t of dug deep inside myself and got brutally honest with myself then I may still have been in a horrible relationship.  If I had been scared to take a chance and scared to open up to my husband then look at all the wonderful things I would have missed out on. I don’t take anything for granted and I am finally living life as the person I am meant to be.

  • Don’t be afraid to take a chance and do something you have never done before – you will learn a lot about yourself.
  • Communication is KEY
  • Learn to think outside the box
  • Make a list of how you see yourself – BE HONEST! It helps to have it written down so you can see it in black and white.
  • What do you want to change? How you going to do it?
  • The first step is knowing you want a change!
  • Don’t put up with crap!