Just say it!

The biggest key to any relationship is communication! Simple right?!  Of course it is, yet it is the leading cause for so many issues. Why?? Everyone is afraid of hurting the other one’s feelings.

That is where I made my mistakes in my first relationship. I was always afraid of hurting the other person or being ridiculed. So I wouldn’t say entirely what was on my mind or how I was feeling. That then left me feeling depressed, stressed and on edge. I would literately battle with myself for days over what I should have said and even whether I  should bring up a subject that was on my mind and bothering me. This of course is never healthy.  Plus, how does the other person even know what you are thinking?

In my previous relationship I hated bringing up certain issues because I knew 100% that a battle would ensue and then I would give in against my better judgement just to have peace. Then I would berate myself for not standing up. This became a cycle that was consistently repeated.

So what to do? Well part of this is that you CAN’T be the only one in the relationship to make it work. It does take two, but you can do your part.

I finally learned that I needed to stand up for myself or I would constantly be walked all over. This sounds easy but isn’t a quick simple fix. You have to learn to say what’s on your mind.

Think about it – * Is it healthier for you to keep everything bottled up inside? NO   *It is easier to lay everything out on the table and know what you are dealing with.  ( I know this isn’t easy to do but with work it because a way of life and easier)

Once you lay everything out in the open then both parties understand where the other one stands. As a couple you have to learn to respect the other person and to think about their beliefs. They have a reason for thinking the way they do. If you don’t open up and talk then you are second guessing each other.

The other KEY to this is that you have a partner that actually cares. If you don’t, then you aren’t going to get anywhere. It’s a cold hard fact but the truth. I know because I have been there.

I am now remarried and could not be happier. We discuss anything and everything. If something is bothering one of us then we lay it out on the table and discuss it and 9 times out of 10 it is a very simple fix. Once you start opening up to each other then it just becomes so much easier. That allows your relationship to grow because you aren’t spending all your time second guessing each other. You learn who your partner actually is.  My husband and I have been married for 7 year now and we can almost always tell what the other one is fixing to say or thinking. It is a HUGE difference from my first marriage where I was married for almost 14 years.

The difference is because we have an open and honest relationship where we honestly care about how each other feels. I can tell you it is an amazing feeling to have a life partner that is also your best friend.

Just remember – say what’s on your mind! Don’t be crude but tactful. Sit down and discuss what is on your mind. Don’t let it fester! Better to get it over and done with then you can relax and enjoy life. Tell each other what’s bothering you and why.

Hope this helps some!! As always you are welcome to contact me with any questions.